You are the boss of your vulva

This may sound obvious and yet it can be very easy to put someone else’s knowledge on a pedestal instead of your own.

Maybe a lover who you judge as more experienced then you

Or the health professional with the credentials

Or the practitioner with the years of experience

Or the healer who’s very spiritual

Or the book author that everyone is raving about

You are allowed look for a partner

There is a common saying, that you’ll find love when you stop looking

I used to repeat this saying to myself and friends when I was growing up, I took it to mean that I shouldn’t actively look for a partner, instead I should devote my time and energy to living a fulfilling life

Which sounds like solid advice

Except that it reinforces that we need to be passive in our desire to find a partner, that we need to wait for them to find us, and we need to create a perfect fulfilling life to deserve them

Which isn’t how it worked out for me

At my meditation circle last night, I pulled an oracle card that said ‘Partnership’

I was confused why I got it and said to the holder, ‘I don’t understand why I’m getting this card because my partnership is really happy’

She responded with something to the gist, ‘that’s why you’re getting it, it’s reflecting how well it’s going and also you should celebrate and share it more’

And I realised that I often come and write about the things we’ve worked through and the challenges etc but rarely come to share just how happy we are.

Which we are ❤️

I’m pretty sure we all desire more turned on, connected relationships. I certainly do! I’ve devoted my life to studying them so that I experience them for myself and then have the joy of sharing what I know with others.

Today I’ve compiled three tips for turning on your relationship, and the great thing about them is that they don’t require any expensive lingerie or s/ex toys. They just require your attention and your willingness to lean into your relationship. I’ve found them to be really useful, I hope you do too X

Things I learned from having a painful clit this year

- I wasted a lot of time feeling shame for my clit experiencing pain. I made myself wrong because I thought I shouldn’t experience anymore pain because I’ve spent so many years healing and doing different s/ex practices. I also catastrophised and became despondent, believing that I was stuck with this discomfort for life and that there was nothing I could do to change it. Basically I went into many of my negative patterns in the face of this experience. And once I stepped out of these, I was able to do practices that helped the energy shift. So I learned (again) that time spent in a negative down spiral of shame and fear achieves nothing except to keep me stuck.

The joy of healing from freeze, overwhelm and depression using the practice of somatic experiencing.