Matt and I were out walking yesterday and I was talking him through some of the content for my new program, The Pleasure Upgrade.

And we naturally progressed to talking about our s/ex life.

Even though we’ve had many of these conversations, I still felt a little nervousness.

Thoughts that floated through my mind were

‘What if I say something that he misinterprets?’

Or ‘what if he says something that hurts my feelings?’

What happened instead was totally different.

Years ago I was in a relationship. With a good man.

We started off with lots of attraction and things in common.

The future felt bright.

Slowly over time though, the relationship started to feel disconnected and the attraction began to wane.

Looking back I can see why that happened.

You are allowed look for a partner

There is a common saying, that you’ll find love when you stop looking

I used to repeat this saying to myself and friends when I was growing up, I took it to mean that I shouldn’t actively look for a partner, instead I should devote my time and energy to living a fulfilling life

Which sounds like solid advice

Except that it reinforces that we need to be passive in our desire to find a partner, that we need to wait for them to find us, and we need to create a perfect fulfilling life to deserve them

Which isn’t how it worked out for me

Years ago, I was working with a coach (@brenda_fredericks) and one of the themes that came up was my desire for a boyfriend. I really wanted one. And in her wisdom, Brenda asked me to list out what I wanted to experience with a boyfriend. Where did I want to go, what would we do, how would he treat me etc. I listed them all out and she told me my assignment for that week was, as much as possible, to do that for myself. Which I did. Brunch is my favourite meal and so I took myself out to brunch somewhere lovely and I really treated myself. I had a great time, so much so that I took this on as a regular practice.

At my meditation circle last night, I pulled an oracle card that said ‘Partnership’

I was confused why I got it and said to the holder, ‘I don’t understand why I’m getting this card because my partnership is really happy’

She responded with something to the gist, ‘that’s why you’re getting it, it’s reflecting how well it’s going and also you should celebrate and share it more’

And I realised that I often come and write about the things we’ve worked through and the challenges etc but rarely come to share just how happy we are.

Which we are ❤️