It’s hard to fancy your partner, when you hate them

Years ago I was in a relationship. With a good man.

We started off with lots of attraction and things in common. 

The future felt bright.

Slowly over time though, the relationship started to feel disconnected and the attraction began to wane.

Looking back I can see why that happened.

He would do things that annoyed me, not outside of normal couple behaviour by the way, moments where he was thoughtless. Or where he rushed me. He had this move where he touched my vulva, that for some reason didn’t feel good to me, that he kept doing.

And instead of communicating to him about my frustration, or my desire for him to try something something different.

I bottled it.

I kept it in.

And slowly over time, under my conscious radar, I began to inwardly seethe at him with resentment.

A part of me hated him.

I was pissed off that he didn’t just know what I wanted.

That he couldn’t read my mind.

My story was, that if he cared about me, he would know what I liked and the fact that he didn’t know, meant that he didn’t give a f*ck about me.

And so I felt justified in being angry at him.

Unsurprisingly, we broke up. 

Years later when I learned how to have open, vulnerable conversations, I could see all of the places where my honesty would have shifted things.

Where I could have asked him for what I wanted and shared with him the times I felt hurt.

I see now in my relationship, how my willingness to say the awkward truth to Matt and hear it from him is what brings us closer together.

Turns the heat up because, we’re not resentful at each other.

I wish everybody had these skills, because relationships are so much more fun and alive with truth.

They are riskier up front, but long term they are more stable because the foundation is steady.

One of the things I’ll be teaching in The Pleasure Upgrade, my new course, is how to have these honest conversations. How to get good at them so that over time, they come with ease. 

If you want to know more, all of the details are here, or if you want to chat to me first, message me directly here for a call X