One of the ways to expand the pleasure you feel is to look at all of the places where you block it

I was on the phone to a good friend yesterday, a coach and I was sharing about something that I was unhappy about. I was having a bit of a whinge.

I listed out all of the things that were annoying me, feeling aggrieved and sorry for myself.

Now she’s a smart woman and listened patiently.

When I was done speaking, she reminded me of all the positive things that had happened too, wonderful happenings that I had brushed over and dismissed in my story.

One of the biggest shifts in my relationship to pleasure, came not from my training or courses I attended but from reading Caitlin Moran’s book ‘How to build a girl’.

There was a moment in the book when the protagonist talks about how she used to masturbate thinking about all the pleasure she would give the other person.

Her focus was on her touching THEM and how it would feel for THEM. She wasn’t even the main event in her own fantasies.

And as I read that, I realised that I was doing the same thing.

As I masturbated, I fantasised about all I could do for the other person.

How skilled and adept I would be.

I was getting off on their pleasure, not on my own.

A fixed masturbation style is when we masturbate the same way each time we do it, whether that’s with our own fingers, hands, bedding item, vibrator etc

The reasons why this can make it difficult to experience sexual pleasure with a partner are..