Behind the scenes, my obsession these past few years has been feeling more.

I had noticed during the pandemic, that most of the left side of my body had become numb and there were other parts that were inaccessible when I tried to put my attention on them.

The parts that I could feel, where wrought with tension.

Each breath was empty of its full promise and left a gaping craving for more air.

As my throat and chest, choked me, from the inside.

Do you hate online dating?

I was talking with a client recently and she shared how she finds online dating tough because there was no way to know before a date, if the guy would show up looking like his pictures or if they would have a connection.

Can you relate to this experience?

One way I’ve found to minimise resentment in my relationships is to say when I’m full.

Full meaning I’m done, at capacity, have no more room in the inn for whatever’s happening.

This was terrifying at first. It felt so brutal, so cold. To tell someone mid-way through a conversation, that actually I don’t have any more capacity for this to continue. Or half way through an experience, that I needed to leave.

I felt so selfish. And how would the other person cope without me in that moment?

Years ago, one of the biggest things that I wanted to change about my sex life was my ability to have an orgasm with a partner. For years, I found it hard to relax and enjoy myself and I would get stressed about how long it took me to climax. I thought there was something wrong with me or that I was just someone who didn’t find it easy to have an orgasm with a partner.

I wanted to change this, so I began to study about female pleasure and orgasm. And not too long into that journey, my ability to have an orgasm with a partner radically shifted where it became easy for me.

I was a horny teenager growing up.

Devouring Mills & Boons and fiction where women had lots of s/ex.

I couldn’t wait to have sex and masturbated all the time.

I had this vision of it being this ecstatic, transcendental experience.

When I started to have sex though, I remember feeling profoundly disappointed.

Where was the ecstasy and pleasure that I imagined penetration would be?

Pleasure is experienced in the present moment

This may sound obvious, so why am I writing it?

What I’ve found that I do, and many of my clients do too, is that we put off feeling pleasure until some fantasy moment in the future.

Oh I’ll let myself feel pleasure when …

… I’ve lost weight

… I got this promotion

… My business is in this place

… My health is fully recovered

… My kids are at this stage

… My house is properly organised

… Everything on my to-do list is done

… I have the perfect partner

Things I learned from having a painful clit this year

- I wasted a lot of time feeling shame for my clit experiencing pain. I made myself wrong because I thought I shouldn’t experience anymore pain because I’ve spent so many years healing and doing different s/ex practices. I also catastrophised and became despondent, believing that I was stuck with this discomfort for life and that there was nothing I could do to change it. Basically I went into many of my negative patterns in the face of this experience. And once I stepped out of these, I was able to do practices that helped the energy shift. So I learned (again) that time spent in a negative down spiral of shame and fear achieves nothing except to keep me stuck.

How to experience more pleasure and orgasms by practicing love and approval for what your body is experiencing in the moment

How I transformed a negative pelvis bodywork experience into deeper power, stronger boundaries, trauma release and into creating an empowering journey for other women and their sexuality.