Full meaning I’m done, at capacity, have no more room in the inn for whatever’s happening.

This was terrifying at first. It felt so brutal, so cold. To tell someone mid-way through a conversation, that actually I don’t have any more capacity for this to continue. Or half way through an experience, that I needed to leave.

I felt so selfish. And how would the other person cope without me in that moment?

I’ve learned from experience, that no-one dies and in fact this practice has strengthened my relationships.

Why is that?

When I’m with someone past my capacity, I often get resentful and blame them. I might not realise in the moment that’s what’s happening, but over time the receipts stack up. 

And vice versa. Because if I’m pushing myself past my boundaries in a relationship, chances are the other person is too. 

So then there are two resentful people.

Each annoyed about the times they’ve abandoned themselves and then unconsciously expecting the other person to make up for it.

All of this, is happening covertly of course, until it blows up into a heated discussion.

I’ve found telling someone in the moment, that I’m full, whilst uncomfortable and yes sometimes the person gets annoyed as I say it, works out better. Because in these dynamics, the other person can say it too. So we’re both empowered to share our capacity and we’re not abandoning ourselves for the other’s comfort.

It makes for more honesty and respect of each other’s time and energy.

The relationship is less bogged down by resentment and time spent together is from desire, not obligation or duty.