The desire to have the perfect relationship

I've spent years in the realm of relationship and intimacy classes, intensives and communities. 

And when I initially got with Matt, I had this desire to the have the perfect relationship and to do it appropriately so that I could teach on it too.

This desire to be perfect showed up in how I consumed social media.

I would read a post by a teacher who I respected about the best way to do a relationship and I would be like, ‘amazing this is how I should create my relationship’

Then I would beat myself up when my relationship didn’t match that 

Or I would feel like the good student when it did

Then I would read a post by another teacher who I respected who had opposing views to the other teacher and I would say to myself

‘Oh okay so that’s how I should do it’ and then I would be annoyed again when my relationship didn’t match those teachings or I would be smug when it did. Or thinking that I need my relationship to be perfect.

I kept doing this, moving between different teachings, absorbing some, eventually rejecting others

I don’t know when it happened, but I dropped the habit of looking to other’s to gauge what I should do
Instead I went with what felt good to me and good for my connection with Matt

And it’s WAY more fun

I’ve also let go of my judgements that I should never be needy, naggy, bratty, resentful, aloof and childish

I’ve accepted that I’m not always going to show up as my conscious, awakened self in my relationship

And neither is my partner 

And it’s more fun when we both have approval for all those sides too

If you would like support in your relationships, message me about working with me one to one or about joining my membership Bean Dána/ Bold Woman. My membership for women who are dedicated to the exploration of their s/ex, desires and relationships.