I have hit on hundreds of people in my life

I started off as a 15 year old teenager in Dublin. I was restless and hungry to party, to discover new things and I was boy OBSESSED.

I had a fake ID, friends who also had fake ID’s and we hit the town hard. We trawled the pubs of Dublin looking for live music and hot guys.

As soon as a band kicked off with a song that we liked, we marched onto the dance floor and threw ourselves around it with wild abandon.

All the while eyeing up the guys around us.

I had a few approaches back then. 

One was the fairly classic, look over at them and start to move around them until you are dancing together and then snogging. WIN.

And the other approach was to walk straight over to a guy I found attractive. Hold out my hand to him to shake it and say ‘Hi, I’m Caoilfhionn. What’s your name?’

My logic with this approach was that it was better to talk to them and find out if we’re into each other instead of spending the whole night thinking ‘what if’ and also I figured, most guys wouldn’t turn down a woman hitting on them.

This turned out to be pretty solid thinking on my part.

Most men were a yes.

The other approach was to go to the smoking area and ask hot guys for a smoke or a lighter. 

For a non-smoker, I smoked a lot over those years.

All of this was fuelled by my heavy drinking back then. 

And so when I gave up the booze after a crazy night’s drinking at my 26th birthday, I had to change tack.

Thankfully this was the era of smartphones and OK Cupid and Tinder were the in thing.

I went on lots of dates and had hook ups with men from the busy tech scene of the time.

Then I moved to London, became single again and joined a sex positive community where the culture was to directly ask people out. 

This permission opened up a new level in me.

I texted many people asking them for sex. Specifying what I wanted to experience with them.

Sometimes I felt empowered sending the text, other times terrified but determined to follow my desire. 

I also sent some awkward voicemails.

Other times I asked in conversation, mumbling and barely getting the words out from a mix of embarrassment and hunger.

Another time I shouted out my desire for someone in a room full of people who knew him.

With Matt I was clear from the get go. I want you. I want a committed relationship with you.

Why am I writing all of this? Well firstly it’s fun to go down memory lane, and remember all of the adventures I’ve had. And secondly I’m writing this a riposte to the narrative that women need to be passive and wait for someone to hit on them or to ask them out. I know plenty of women who love to wait and be pursued, I think that’s hot if that’s what turns you on. I’m speaking though to the women who like to chase. Who know what they want and enjoy going after it. I’m backing you. I’m excited for what you can create when you own what you want. Go get it woman X