I was daydreaming recently, as I do

I was dancing in my room 

Getting my groove on

Feeling joyous 

I started to imagine that I was a DJ

Playing my favourite tunes, guiding everyone to ecstasy with the beat

And OF COURSE, my brain then jumps miles ahead to me being a successful world reknowned DJ

Dazzling everyone 

Forgetting actually about the pleasure of just practicing a craft without the need to get anywhere 

Or making it big 

And I was thinking how much we’re encouraged to monitize our joy and judge it by the metrics of fame and money 

To look for the extrinsic trinkets of success vs. the intrinsic jewels of expression and mastery.

And when I apply this perspective on how I express myself through my writing or how I want to build my business as a coach

I catch glimpses of how much they’ve been hampered by this external orientation

This drive to match my expectations of making it

Instead of enjoying the journey and letting the art lead, giving it spaciousness, I’ve given myself schedules and goals to hit.

Pressure.

The cost of this fake timeline of success, means everything that doesn’t match it perfectly is failure.

Leaden, dead, unworthy.

And creating in its wake a heavy deed.

Flatlined before it can take hold.

I’ve tried to push and shove against this grip.

Only to exhaust reserves.

As I’m still playing into that game.

Much more effective I’ve found, is to go deep down into the root.

Get curious, let these beliefs disperse as an energy in my body.

Noticed and let go of, again and again.