I had this experience a few months ago

Where I went to a bodyworker to help me with pelvic pain I was experiencing

She was trained by a teacher who’s book I had read and she said all the right things on the phone

But my body said a subtle no

I overrode this no, because I was fed up of being in pain 

And I had a similar treatment before that really helped

And she was trained and so she must be good

When I went to have the session

She opened the door and I felt my body sink a bit

Contracted into protection mode

Let’s just get this over with

But my brain overrode that knowing 

And acted like this was great 

As I didn’t want to hurt her feelings

We got down to the treatment

And she put her hands on me without a warning (a big no if you’re trauma aware)

And my body sank more but I said nothing

And then when her finger was inside of me

She made comments about my p*ussy that were negative

And I shut down

I didn’t protect myself or argue with her

Instead I pretended like everything was ok

Stuck in this place of worrying if I was just being sensitive

I left that session feeling broken

Like my body was made of glass

And I couldn’t stop shaking

- - - - - - -

This bottom was a big wake up call for me

The cost of ignoring my knowing was so high

That I had to do the work of looking at all of places I abandoned myself

And reclaim the power

1. I deeply sat with the sensations in my body leading up to the event and bookmarked all the ways that my body said no - to be remembered and never ignored again

2. I had a call with the practitioner and firmly explained to her the impact of her boundary violations - she listened to me and apologised

3. I had to look at all the ways that I diminish my needs for others’ comfort

4. I looked at how I blocked my anger at her because I was stuck worried that I was being too sensitive and in resistance to her medicine because she’s the professional

5. I started to work with a somatic experiencing practitioner and healer who has helped me release the stuck sensation, frozenness and anger from my body which has gathered over the years, not just from this incident. Without touching me she has healed my pelvis hugely as I’ve released tension.

6. I undertook study to become trauma aware so that I don’t unwittingly cause trauma to my clients. I’ve been doing Creating Safer Space by Shelby Leigh. She’s running another round of this in July - I really recommend this course as its empowered me to become a better coach. You sign up to it on the link below (for transparency, I get a commission if you sign up)

And even though I still feel the impact of this session on my body, I’m deeply grateful it happened. I’ve stepped into a new level of power. I have more strength in expressing boundaries. I am going at the pace of my body and my p*ussy. I am listening to her so deeply and going so slowly that’s she’s blossoming and sharing more of her magic with me.

It’s made me realise that my medicine is around p*ussy work. 

Guiding women to be more confident in listening to her and asking for what she needs and being a no to anything that doesn’t serve her. I’m excited to teach this as part of SLOW & DEEP, my 12 week journey for who want to explore their erotic selves and the pulse of their s£x. If you feel the call to join us - contact me by clicking on the button above x