Years ago, I was working with a coach (@brenda_fredericks) and one of the themes that came up was my desire for a boyfriend. I really wanted one. And in her wisdom, Brenda asked me to list out what I wanted to experience with a boyfriend. Where did I want to go, what would we do, how would he treat me etc. I listed them all out and she told me my assignment for that week was, as much as possible, to do that for myself. Which I did. Brunch is my favourite meal and so I took myself out to brunch somewhere lovely and I really treated myself. I had a great time, so much so that I took this on as a regular practice.

The things is when I did this, I was setting a new bar for how I wanted to be treated. I was expanding my capacity to receive care and attention from others, because I had practiced it on myself. Being treated with anything less from new men just would have felt wrong and weird. And so it makes sense that after doing this for a while, that the men I was dating, shifted to being more considerate. And now fast forward to today, where I’m with Matt, who often blows me away with his thoughtfulness and care towards me. 

I think this whole experience is a great lesson showing, that how we treat ourselves directly impacts our relationships with others and how they treat us. And that the skills for joyful relationships can be learned, with practice and support over time.

So if you’re single and desiring a partner, I really recommend taking yourself out for dates. And if you’re in a relationship, it’s a really powerful practice too, to fill your own cup up first and care for yourself beautifully.

I’ll be teaching on this and more in a new one on one format that I’ve created. It’s called a Pleasure Deep Dive session, which will be a mix of me teaching pleasure principles and then coaching on specific desires and blocks that you have. Before the session, I’ll check in to see if there’s any area that you would like me to focus on and I will cater the teachings to your needs. The session will be 60 minutes long, I’m offering the first ten of these for £30 then the price will go up. There are currently 5 spaces available at this price. Message me if you want one X